The Great Van Halen Debates

      Let me preface this post by saying I'm not a huge Van Halen fan. Don't get me wrong, I like their early stuff, but I only own the first two albums.  For some reason, however, I have several opinions about them. Most of my opinions put me at odds with my friends, who are in their 20's and 30's. You can probably guess most of my positions since I'm a 48 year old curmudgeon. The one opinion I haven't shared with others, until now, is I don't really like Eddie Van Halen's style of guitar playing. I know, blasphemy! To me, it's all technique and no soul. "Look at me, I can finger tap really fast". Good for you, Eddie. That's not really a Van Halen debate, though. I'm kind of on an island there. Anyhow, here are the two main arguments I have with my friends; Van Halen vs. Van Hagar and the merits of 1984.
     Let's take on Van Hagar first. I was actually a big Sammy Hagar fan, going back to Montrose. At one time, I owned his solo album, Standing Hampton, as well as Hagar,Schon, Aaronson and Shrieve. When I heard he was replacing David Lee Roth I was cautiously optimistic. I didn't like where Van Halen were going on their two previous albums, so maybe a change was in order. Boy, was I wrong. Van Hagar was a train wreck. Here's a litany of the horrendously, facile songs these cretins unleashed on an unsuspecting public. Why Can't This Be Love. Dreams. Love Walks In. Best Of  Both Worlds. When It's Love. Finish What Ya Started. Poundcake. Right Now. It looked good on paper, but you don't play rock 'n' roll on paper.
     The most heated debates we have are over 1984. Now I can make a case for Van Halen I, II, Women And Children First and Fair Warning being great albums. Those albums included hard rock classics like "Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love", "Everybody Wants Some" and "Unchained". DLR hadn't become a joke yet. Then along came Diver Down. Half the album was covers and they all stunk. And the video for "Pretty Woman" was reprehensible and without a doubt the worst music video of all-time. Then there was that fateful night in 1984. I was watching Friday Night Videos and a piece of me died. Not only did I see the video for "Distant Early Warning" by Rush, but I also saw "Jump" by Van Halen. Rush's video featured Geddy Lee with his stick bass, playing keyboards. "Jump" featured Eddie Van Halen playing keyboards. The world of rock music had gone Planet of the Apes. Everything was upside down. To this day I HATE 1984. I hate Jump. I hate I'll Wait. I hate Hot For Teacher. I hate Drop Dead Legs. The only song I like is "Panama". The main reason I like "Panama" is that it has one of those classic DLR mid-song, spoken-word gems. In fact, here's my list of favorite DLR moments.

1) Yeah we're runnin' a little bit hot tonight. I can barely see the road from the heat comin' off. Reach down between my legs and...ease the seat back.

2) I like the way the line runs up the back of the stockings. I've always liked those kind of high heels too.

3) Come on Dave gimme a break. Hey hey hey hey! One break coming up.

     All my friends love 1984. Maybe it's me. Anyhow, I do recommend Van Halen I, but it's way down the list of albums in my collection that my kids should check out. Thanks for letting me vent, again. Peace.