Mr. Roboto, Steve Perry and Bowling

     Are you intrigued? Wonder where I'm going with that post title? Me too, so grab a house ball, slip on some gently used shoes and I'll try to keep it out of the gutter.
     So, last Friday the family and I trekked down to Columbus because my daughter was in a state junior bowling tournament. Had I written this post that night it would have been an unhinged diatribe about bowling culture and the Columbus freeway system. Luckily for you, dear reader, I've had a few days to cool down. Let me just say Mapquest is powerless against Columbus. We spent an hour going around in a circle while attempting to get from The Columbus Zoo to the bowling alley. The previous week my wife had to travel to Columbus and I spent over an hour on the phone with her looking up directions on Mapquest and Bing. Eventually she had to stop somewhere and ask for directions. Then at the tournament, there was this obnoxious little boy who kept getting in my face between his turns bowling and I wanted to punch him in the head. And the crowd at the tournament reminded me of a certain Wilco album title. Think about it for awhile and I'll reveal the answer at the end of the post.
     Anyway, we had planned on going somewhere for dinner before the tournament, but due to our "side trip" we didn't have time. So, we ended up eating at the bowling alley while we waited for the festivities to begin. As I sat there eating a turkey, bacon and Swiss wrap, Chili-cheese Fritos and a Pepsi-Cola, I was listening to classic rock playing overhead. I don't know if the music was curated by someone on site or if it was piped in, but suddenly I heard "Mr. Roboto" by Styx. Back in middle and high school I was all about Styx, Foreigner, REO, Boston, Kansas, Blue Oyster Cult, Journey; basically the staple bands of album-oriented rock radio. One of the first 45's I bought was "Lorelei". I had Grand Illusion, Pieces of Eight and Paradise Theater on LP. I had 45's of "Renegade" and "Blue Collar Man". I still love all of those bands, except Styx. Looking back, I think it was Mr. Roboto that destroyed my love of Styx. It was at least the first domino to fall. I suppose Dennis DeYoung's subsequent descent into insufferable d-baggery and Tommy Shaw's musical association with the reprehensible Ted Nugent were the final death blows. But Mr. Roboto opened my eyes to what had been there all along; Dennis DeYoung's propensity toward pomposity and melodrama. I had somehow managed to rationalize songs like "Lady" and "Come Sail Away", but Mr. Roboto was a bridge too far. And WTF was the Kilroy thing all about? And I want to kick DeYoung square in the nuts everytime I hear the lyric "I am the modren man". MODREN! Then he claimed he couldn't perform live because of the stage lights, then sued the band when they moved on with a replacement. Then he went on to continue a performing career, presumably with stage lights.
     I say all of this about Styx because I still have those 45's in my collection. I'm not sure why, because I'll never play them again. The LP's were among those that vanished during my multiple move years. Occasionally, as I paw through the used record bins, I'll stumble across Grand Illusion or Pieces of Eight and briefly consider replacing them in my collection. Then I remember it was bloated nonsense and continue digging. Anyhow, my kids probably don't need to bother with "Blue Collar Man". Now Journey is another story. Journey are an easy target for crapping on and sometimes I'm as guilty as anyone. Especially now with all of Neal Schon's shenanigans and the horrendous Steve Perry replacement clones. However, my mind was blown yesterday when I went on Facebook and saw Steve Perry come out of seclusion and perform with Eels. Of all the bands in the world, Eels would be one of the last I'd think of for a Steve Perry comeback and "It's a Motherfucker" one of the most unlikely songs. But there it was on the webs. Whatever you think of "Open Arms" or songs about dudes "born and raised in South Detroit", which doesn't exist, early Steve Perry Journey is awesome. Wheel In The Sky. Lights. Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'. Anytime. Feeling That Way. Anyway You Want It. I love "Wheel In The Sky", even though it always reminds me of the time my dad dragged us to the Isabella County Fair. I hate fairs, carnivals, circuses, amusement parks and rides. This time I was guilt tripped into riding the tilt-a-whirl and had a panic attack will listening to Journey. Unfortunately, there isn't a good hits collection with just their early stuff, so the only thing in my collection is a LP of Infinity. I whole-heartedly recommend my kids listen to that and if they want to hear more it will be on them, not me. So, to finish the bowling story, the kids had a great time at the Zoo and my daughter enjoyed the bowling tournament. My wife and I drank a lot the following night. Here's a link for the Steve Perry video. Peace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip4F9fGHZ00


SUMMER TEETH